26.03.06 ☂ instead.of.me
Hi! Today, I'm really excited to share my new song, Instead Of Me. It's one of my favorite projects I've ever worked on and I'm really proud to have seen it through to completion!
You can listen and download for free here on Bandcamp. Below is some commentary about it and how it came to be!
about.the.song
inception
Instead Of Me is a project I started back in November 2024. I pretty quickly knew I wanted to finish it, but had never (a) written a song in this style or (b) included lyrics in any songs.
Around the time it started, I had been wanting to work on some projects where, instead of building a narrative or capturing an energy, I would explore a feeling and have more of a voice in my music.
I guess I was feeling inspired to do that in the shower one day, because the initial idea for the lyrics exists in the form of a voice memo I recorded at 8AM. I'll spare myself the embarrassment of sharing that recording, but the core "writing on walls" concept goes back to day 1. I've actually wanted to use it in a song since 2022 or earlier, but I'm not sure I expected it to manifest in the way it did! Here's the initial instrumental draft from that day.
Listening back, I'm actually a bit surprised how much the song took form on day 1, considering it'd take me another year to finish it...
lyrics
I think a lot of that time was spent deciding exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to capture the complex feelings that can follow being hurt by people you once loved. That maybe it'd be simpler if you just wished they would feel it instead of you — but you don't really hate them or want them to hurt.
The broad idea for this theme existed pretty early on, but refining down exactly what I wanted to say — especially in the intro — took the most time. The distorted section was actually done pretty early, and though I had the idea to do something else with it I liked the idea of keeping the rawness of my initial recording. There was also a period where I thought I might use a vocal synth to sing on my behalf (which obviously didn't happen). In the end, I'm pretty satisfied with what I landed on and proud that I was able to use my own voice to say it.
Here are the lyrics for the song:
If the writing’s on the walls
Just paint over it
Although I’m always one
To overthink
I’m tired of being the one
To feel the shame
I wish I wished that you’d feel it
Instead of me
Feel it instead of me
I wish I wished that you'd feel it
Instead of me
Feel it instead of me
I wish I wished that you'd feel it
Instead of me
So please just get
Out of my head
A thought that you
Could hurt instead
I just want you
To take my place
But my closed eyes
Just show your face
I wish that you
Had passed me by
Before you came
And changed my life
Feeling this way
I dread those days
Wondering if
You feel the same
If the writing's
On the walls
If the writing's— writing's— writings—
If the writing's
On the walls
If the writing's— writing's— writings—
If the writing's
On the walls
If the writing's— writing's— writings—
If the writing's
On the walls
If the writing's— writing's— writings—
On the walls
cover
Historically, I've gravitated towards illustrations or somewhat abstract, textural designs for cover art. This track was more grounded in reality and my experiences, so I wanted the cover to reflect that.
Flicking through my photo library, I found this lovely picture of one of my cats that I thought would be charming to use as a base. I've been pretty interested in traditional, tactile art recently and had the idea to include it in a sort of collage. It's dotted with another photo from a pleasant memory of mine.
What was supposed to be a mockup actually ended up being the basis of the final cover. I made a physical version of the collage, but ended up preferring the appearance of the mockup, and touched that up for release instead. Either way, it was a fun project and I'm glad to have given it a shot.
Beside the collage is some artist and title text, along with an abstract form to tie everything together. I didn't intend to make a "logo" at first, but when flicking through my fonts, the one in the final cover jumped out at me and I felt inspired to customize the tittle. Which led to me formalizing a bit and turning it into what may or may not stick around as a logo.
about.the.artist.name
Speaking of logos, this song is under a new alias for me. At times I've thought I would enjoy separating my different projects in some way, but was always hesitant to undergo rebrands or spin up new aliases. Realizing I don't care at all about social media or marketability has been pretty liberating though, since I realized I can attribute my tracks to any artist I'd like. I thought this would be a great occasion to do so, since singing in a song is completely new to me.
For a long while I've wanted to use "gild the lily" in some capacity — it's an idiom about trying to improve something that is already beautiful, which I think is itself charming. I've initially wanted to use it as a song name (it was actually the name of an old demo I'll attach below). Later, I pivoted to the idea of it being an EP title. Before finally landing on it being an artist name, though I tweaked it to "Gilding Lilies."
So here we are! Please enjoy Instead Of Me by Gilding Lilies! Thank you for reading! I'm excited to talk more about my projects here!
Lily ☂